You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
This is the prime rib incident all over again
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
