I just cut my nipple shaving
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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