She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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