Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
