I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize