I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
