The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize