What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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