Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
