I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
