you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
