All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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