??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize