I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
