Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
