I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
