You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
