I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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