How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
