Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
