I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
