So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
