oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
