i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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