It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
