Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
