oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
