She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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