he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
