Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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