the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
