Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Let's paint friendship bongs
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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