if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
