I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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