I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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