I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
