I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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