we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
