I feel great
I just peed on a car
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
