i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
