I wish you could order shots online.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
