apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
