so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
