Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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