i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize