I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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