I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
