He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
should my penis look like a turkey
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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