Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
