No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
