He uses pillows to masturbate.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize