No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
