The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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