he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
