I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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