'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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