I just threw up on my dentist
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
