he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
