They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he was CRYING into my vagina
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
