I'm so fucking centered right now
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
