just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
