Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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