Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
