He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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