So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
