im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
