i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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