Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you win again, gameday.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
