that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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