I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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