And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
