he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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