The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
