fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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