i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
