he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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