he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
