You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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