I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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