You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Shame - the story of my life.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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