You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Randomize
