need another drink. this is the easiest way
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
