Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
