he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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