If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
