Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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