He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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