I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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