guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
