Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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