We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I want a musical about memes.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
