So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
