My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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