I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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