the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
