Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
