hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
