She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
